"This Is life, huh...? We lose something here, we get something there.
The trick is to stop looking in the old place to find the new thing."
Something was lost to me this week. Something that I really, truly, very much wanted. When the above quote crossed my path, I felt the words like an arrow in the heart. I've puzzled over these sentences, picking up the phrases and looking at them from different directions.
For five days, questions have danced through my mind, keeping me awake in the wee hours. Questions like, "Have I lost this dream? Should I lay it down? Am I looking in an 'old place'? Is there a 'new thing' to be done in a present place or is a new thing waiting in an unsearched corner? Why does it hurt so much?"
Why does it hurt? Really, that's the question that haunts me the most. I wish I could have this experience and come through with a stronger fighting spirit, a desire to passionately improve upon my strengths, a willingness to correct my weaknesses. Perhaps I am too emotionally involved, carrying responsibility for family needs that I can't possibly meet. Maybe I'm just tired and need a real vacation.
Maybe I need to stop....looking.