Singalullaby

11 For '11

Call them what you like--resolutions, goals, plans--, a list for 2011 just seems like a good idea.  

Here I go......
1.  Goodbye, 'garnet/sand color combo' in the bedroom.  I'm liking chocolate/sand/frost; fortunately, this change does not involve repainting the walls!

2.   A tossing day for the myriad of mugs, plates, and whatnots that fill the kitchen cabinets, tentatively scheduled for my first day off.

3.  Check to see if the treadmill still works.  If so, I will JUST DO IT!

4.  Write a letter, to BigBro & MidBro, each month.  And save them until the boys leave for college. 
Or, later, whatever seems prudent.  Because, I cannot seem to communicate my love, fears, dreams, and memories to them without some eye-rolling taking place.  On all our parts :-)

5.  Make Sunday night dinner a sacred time.  Everyone present and accounted for.

6.  Start another scripture journal.  I did this in 2007 and the process helped me to grow in my walk with God.  

7.  Sing more.  Even if this means that I spend a bit of $$ to update my iPod component (I use a
Shuffle.  There isn't a speaker dock for the silly thing!).

8.  Organize the closets in the classroom one more time.  And may it be the last.

9.  Create the memory book for the kindergarten class.  I planned to do this over the holidays, but Shutterfly is s l o w and I didn't finish before leaving town.  Maybe I can combine #2 and #9 .....HaHaHaHA!

10.  Remember that tomato juice counts as a serving of vegetables.  And edamame is a protein.

11.  Breathe.  Ferris Bueller is still quoteworthy:  "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and
look around once in awhile, you could miss it." 

 

Thankfulness Abounds

Patchwork pumpkins, rolling down the hill......do you get to play with paper and glue at your job?  The best part of this lesson was the lead-in literature, one of my fav books, The Runaway Pumpkin.  The text is rhythmic and builds in speed, as the pumpkin's journey takes on epic proportions.

I love to teach with/from/around/through books.  In my wildest dreams, I am a successful author and illustrator of children's books; I get to visit classrooms of five- and six-year-olds, taking them on a 45 minute journey of imagination.  In reality, I have the privilege of guiding and nurturing a group of children through all aspects of learning, five days a week.  I LOVE my job.  Truly, the only thing better about my wildest dream is probably the pay.  :-)

Thankfulness is on most of our minds this week.  Today, I realized that I am smack in the middle of exactly where I want to be.  If I were doing anything else, I'd be pondering how to get to where I now am, in the heart of kindergarten.  It is the absolute center of gravity, the top of the mountain, for me.  

Thanksgiving, 2010....I thank God for introducing me to the amazing children in Room K.

(Also, "Thanks!" to Michaele Sommerville for sharing the patchwork pumpkin idea!)

When the mirror tells a different story

Children like to use cameras.  I have a digital camera in my classroom and one of our daily jobs is "reporter".  I usually follow the reporter and later, secretly, retake his/her photo for clarity's sake!  Although some pics are priceless as they are:  three pairs of shoes, a face looking through a magnifying glass, the glue bottle spillage. 

When I downloaded pictures from this week, I found a few of me.....oh....my.  When did my face turn to melted wax?  Have I lost that much hair?  And, why is it turning red/ish?!  Weren't my teeth straightened long ago and why are they looking a bit crooked?  Do my clothes take on a different shape when I leave the house each morning?

The bottom line is that my internal mirror is not matching the camera's lens.  If you want to know why my Facebook pic hasn't changed for awhile, it's because I haven't taken a decent picture since 2008.  Maybe, possibly, a student's parent has a good shot of me with their child.  For sure, the five-year-old reporters need a few lessons in placement and perspective --please, children, do not point up at me from the floor :-).

Christmas Wish #1:  thermage chin tightening treatment
Followed by Wish #2:  a hairstyle that hides saggy chin and thinning locks
And may I have Wish #3:  enough money to buy the perfect pair of eyeglasses
And, oh, add Wish #4:  a bit of teeth whitening

My paycheck won't cover any of that, not if my children expect gifts of their own.
Maybe I'll avoid the mirror for awhile.....

 

 

Teaching is...time consuming!

Since starting the private blog for my Kindergarten class, I have neglected this little corner of my world.  That fact alone is a marker of what life is like at the moment!  Awake at 5:30am, at work by 7:10, I breathe the crayon-scented air of a busy classroom for 9 hours/day.

80% of my students are the youngest members of their families.  They like to talk and expect undivided attention!  S L O W L Y, they are learning to raise their hands and wait to be recognized.  But even I can admit that some of our funniest moments have sprung from unsolicited dialogue!  J. spontaneously bursts into a Michael Jacks*n montage, V. wants to know if Abraham liked water from a well, C. shares that the Bible people didn't even have toilets, and A. asks M. why "she be cryin' all the time".  (Good question!)  One child is reading at a second-grade level and another is cutting like a two-year-old. 

This week we will study apples and take a field trip.  I can't wait to hear their observations of the farmer's market!  Let's just hope the toilet is open for public use.  ;-)

Awesome Blog Discovery

Everything I planned for the weekend will probably take a backseat to journaling; I found the BEST journal pages at Grace Is Overrated!  Thank you, Christie, for making these pages printable!  I'm printing and binding and plotting and.......procrastinating a bit of lesson writing!

Step Inside My Kindergarten Classroom

A week before school started (!!yikes!!), my classroom received the royal treatment. Each morning, I feel as if I'm stepping into the pages of a storybook.

This is our circle-time rug and reading corner.  The painted trees will soon become 3-D, with leaves hanging from branches and bark popping out of the wall.  Hmmm....wonder how I can keep little hands away from that? I'm not sure I'll be able to resist, either!  Along the right side wall, I have two large bulletin boards, a reading/math shelf and a file cabinet.  When the walls were painted, it was decided that nothing could be stapled or sticky-tac-ed to the walls; I am only allowed to display things on bulletin boards.  It is an understatement to say that this has cramped my teaching style, but I am making the best of an, umhm, interesting situation. Thank God for the new Post-It Charts!

This is the other side of the room.  The space is actually set up with a dividing wall, complete with two separate bathrooms---teeny, tiny, totally cute  toilets---and sinks.  Beyond the picture border, to the right, you would see the manipulative shelf and two more closets.  I've spun my desk away from the wall since this was taken last week.  Because it is metal, the letter tile magnets work perfectly along the front panel!  I am hoping to score more shelving, so that our tools, etc., will not have to be left in the closet during the week.  I've not been given clearance to place anything against the walls, but, HOW do you teach Kindergarten in a sterile environment?  The room is sweet, but I miss being surrounded by letters, and pictures, and children's work.  My brain is working overtime, trying to solve this dilemma!

(I have no idea why this last paragraph is underlined!) 

Magical Meteor Shower...my favorite time of year

 Yippee!  A quick search revealed that the Perseid Meteor Shower will be at its peak on August 12.  I was a bit worried that it would happen in the wee hours of a school day (1st day is August 16!) and I would need to visit St*rbucks on my way to the classroom.  

I'll drag a blanket to our driveway around midnight, hoping a few children will join me.  MidBro usually hangs in there and is rewarded by the "shooting stars" that streak overhead.  Last year, we were treated to an amazing show as the meteors seemed to land just across our valley.

Twenty-eight years ago, standing next to someone I thought I'd never forget, it seemed that the stars fell all around us as we anticipated a long goodbye.  It's been almost that many years since I saw that boy, but the Perseid's arrive every summer, reminding me to check in with the starry-eyed eighteen-year-old girl who still resides in a corner of my heart.

When she sees the blue-eyed children snuggled up with me, she smiles.

Goodbye PreK, Hello Kindergarten

"Learning to act in a new way requires... being drawn toward something you want..."

The path to my job change has taken a few unexpected turns, but I can say today that I am delighted with the new job assignment.  I get to read, write, and work in   

!!!

I will miss the amazing women who teach at the preschool.  In the Kindergarten room, I will be flying solo.  Another change is the fact that my new students will be the youngest children in the school, not the oldest.  When gathering my PreK kiddos from carpool, admiring the two-year-olds was a job perk!  Their lilting speech, chubby legs, and warm hands always made me smile.  But I met most of the Kindergartners last week and, wow, they are incredible!  One little guy wore a suit jacket and tie, to "impress the teacher".  Awwww......:-)  The next two weeks will be crazy busy, but I am excited to embark on a new adventure.

If you have a minute, could you share a memory from your Kindergarten days, or perhaps a memory of your child/ren on the first day of K?  My K teacher is the reason that I hold a teaching degree today.  See, that year in the 'garden of children' really can influence a life!  Even The New York Times has something to say about the far-reaching effects of a great Kindergarten teacher!

.

Now she's 12....

Dear DollyGirl,

Once upon a time, I sat in a rocking chair and lulled you to sleep.  You always snuggled in, grasping a lock of my hair and fluttering eyelashes that were oh, so long.  

Now, you have a bedtime routine that doesn't involve me.  Hey, I think that means I've done something right!  You've even started reading before lights-out, a kindred spirit :-).  We hug, kiss, pray.  Your eyes close quickly, lashes still enviable.

In a few years, I will not know what time you choose to visit dreamland.  Your nightly rituals will, no doubt, vary by the weight of your responsibilities and the exhaustion of your day. The room down the hall might still be pink, but the twinkle lights will be long gone.  Just know, I will still be talking to God about you, as we gaze upon the same moon.

You were born in the wee hours of a new day, greeted by lullaby songs and soft lighting....you are a funny, friendly, determined, focused, loving, talented, child of God....you are above and beyond anything I could have wished for.  

You will always be my little girl.

We love our dad

My husband makes the laughter flow around our home!  Thanks for making me a mommy, honey.

 

Book Nook~this week's wisdom

From The Last Time I Saw You by Elizabeth Berg:

"This Is life, huh...?  We lose something here, we get something there.  
 The trick is to stop looking in the old place to find the new thing."

Something was lost to me this week.  Something that I really, truly, very much wanted.  When the above quote crossed my path, I felt the words like an arrow in the heart.  I've puzzled over these sentences, picking up the phrases and looking at them from different directions.  

For five days, questions have danced through my mind, keeping me awake in the wee hours.  Questions like, "Have I lost this dream?  Should I lay it down?  Am I looking in an 'old place'?  Is there a 'new thing' to be done in a present place or is a new thing waiting in an unsearched corner? Why does it hurt so much?"

Why does it hurt?  Really, that's the question that haunts me the most.  I wish I could have this experience and come through with a stronger fighting spirit, a desire to passionately improve upon my strengths, a willingness to correct my weaknesses.  Perhaps I am too emotionally involved, carrying responsibility for family needs that I can't possibly meet.  Maybe I'm just tired and need a real vacation. 

Maybe I need to stop....looking.

We Are Baseball FANatics

 MidBro concentrates on the perfect pitch.

 Yeah, it was a strike.
 

 
 

Prom 2010

A beautiful night, they had a good time. 

She was gorgeous, he looked truly fine.

My car made it home, sans ding or bang.

For their relationship, I can't say the same.

Only she knows what he said to make it end.

I'm just the financier, not a trusted friend.

(I love you, BigBro!!  
And I know we are friends :-})  

MS Day

My 300th post....I'm glad that it has landed on a worthy cause!  MS arrived in my life like a tornado, with little warning, in 2001.  Since then, I have had few symptoms that interfere with my daily life; I give credit to the disease-modifying drug, Avonex, and a reliance on God.  (Um, God first :-))  Because of research and development, I have access to a medication that is keeping MS in check for me.

THANK YOU to everyone who works for or with MS patients, to everyone who cares for and loves someone living with MS.  

May this desease be but a blip on our radar as my children grow into adulthood.

 

a bit o' (clutter) wisdom

"A lot of clutter is a lack of acceptance that a moment has passed."  
 Peter Walsh

Summer Goal:

• Obtain identical containers, approximately 2'x3'
• Sort stuff I have been shelving, undo the randomness
• Toss the unnecessary and share the good
• Label containers and fill with purpose
• Get the children involved!

 

23 x 2

For no solid reason, I have always viewed my 46th birthday as being the halfway point.  Seems as if I expected to live at least 92 years!  Today, as the minutes ticked by, I decided that I don't want the next half of my life to be "downhill".  First, this past year has most definitely not been a mountain top experience! Second, I don't enjoy the downhill drop; my favorite part of a roller coaster ride is the race to top each hill, the powerful rush after the screamin'. 

I'd like for a portion of my upcoming days to be a gentle, rolling stroll.  Not a flat track....that would be mind-numbing.  I just need to get off the thrill ride for awhile.  My family has navigated the twists and turns of chronic illness, job uncertainty, and income loss.  Each of those alone is intense, but put them all together and you have a recipe for serious stress.

In her book "Symphony Of Secrets", Sharon Hinck headed a chapter with these words:
"Verismo:  A term meaning 'realism', applied to Romantic works, especially operas, 
of the late 19th century that have to do with unpleasant realities of life."
Hhmmm, this has been the pace of my life since the turn of the 21st century.  

My birthday wish is for life's music to become softer and sweeter, for the ride to move at a slower pace.

Sing me a lullaby, ok?

Tickle Me Pink

Tell a group of four- and five-year-olds to mix a few crayon colors.  
 Ask them to name their new shades.  
Delight in the pure joy of the moment.  
 Wish you had a liason at Crayola.

Blackberry Pie
Fireworks
Cotton Candy Swirl
Flower Garden
Rainbow 
Crayon Box
Chocolate Pudding

If you mixed a few, what color would you create?

Writing Prompt...Begin

Compose a list of familiar phrases, or phrases that have stayed in your mind for a long time--from songs, from poems, from conversation.  (from Language Is A Virus)

• somewhere over the rainbow
• happily ever after
• another one bites the dust
• play ball!
• dream it, do it
• love is a battlefield
• just say no
• zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket
• everything comes to those who wait
• never, never, never give up
• Bueller? Anyone?
• As you wish

I'm reading Home Safe by Elizabeth Berg.  The main character is a writer who finds herself without words to share.  A few minutes ago, I was overcome with the need to write something; a Google search produced many excellent sites for writing prompts and I clicked, copied, created.  

Share the first phrase that comes to your mind!

Between The End And The Beginning

Cosmo in hand, I've just placed a baked spaghetti in the oven.  "Call Of Duty" rages in the background, as does a squabble surrounding Mastermind.  So, first, let me say "Happy New Year!" to you!

I like New Year's Eve.  We've never gotten all decked out and celebrated in style, but we do have our own...mmHmm...traditions.  For the most part, we play games with the children, watch movies and crack open the sparkling cider at 11:59pm. Even without a fancy wardrobe, the moment glitters with its own kind of promise, another chance to put hope in action.

Before the fun begins, I'd like to look ahead to 2010 by sharing a few of the sites that I'm bookmarking as my categorized resolutions.

Family......Cooking more meals is my #1 goal in the coming year.  Thankfully, I found easy recipes at MomsWhoThink.  Tonight's creation is a new recipe for me and it smells delicious.

Spirit.....Evotional contains golden nuggets of wisdom, Jon at StuffChristiansLike  makes me smile/think/laugh/ponder, and I plan to camp out at Faith Imagined on a regular basis.  Music is vital to my spiritual growth; "It Is Well" by Kutless will take me through the winter.

Soul......I'll be taking my book addiction to the next level by participating in these challenges at BookJourney.  If you want to expand your knowledge of young adult literature and children's books, check out Jen Robinson's Book Page.  Her recommendations have enriched my teaching. Readergirlz is a unique site, promoting Operation TBA while showcasing authors and new YA Lit.

Body......The Amazing Adventures Of DietGirl is the most inspiring health memoir I've read. Shauna is honest about her journey and her blog is fun!    

Passion.....Teachers never stop learning.  We look for ideas to keep us fresh, to motivate our students and to make the learning process relevant.  Mrs. McGowan's 1st grade site is amazing.  If her school was anywhere near me, I'd volunteer to sit at her feet!  Mrs. Cassidy's blog is interactive and child-centered, making me wish I had a child in her class.

Self......Got a Blog? Make a book!  The Cutest Blog On The Block offers the opportunity to print your blog!  I'm not sure if they can operate with a Typepad blog, but the idea intrigues me (I love the paper trail.).  The site also offers many blog templates, designs and freebies, like the one that is blinking in this post!  SickerdoodleDesigns  introduced me to the world of digital scrapbooking--but, I have yet to actually do anything in this media.  Maybe 2010 will show that I've mastered a new hobby.

Happy New Year!!

My Ruby Red Slippers

The perfect gift for me, the girl who, as a new bride, walked down the aisle to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"! 

Thank you, hubby, for giving me grace when I presented you with my own gift.

Zappos

Mom's Million Dollar Fudge

My gift to you:  the yummiest Christmas treat, ever! 

 Ingredients :   4 & 1/2 cups sugar, 1 stick butter, 1 can evaporated milk
 Melt these items over medium heat in a 3qt. pot.  Bring to a boil.  When the mixture  begins to boil, set a timer for 8 minutes.  Stir constantly! 

 More Ingredients:  12 oz. Hershey's chocolate bar (it really must be Hershey's), 12 oz. chocolate chips (vary the flavors for interesting fudge), 1pt. (I use 14 oz.) marshmallow creme

When the timer dings, remove the pot from burner.  Add the chocolate bar pieces, chocolate chips and marshmallow creme.  STIR.  The fudge will be creamy, sliding out of the pot.  (Grab a spoonful; warm and gooey, it is the best!)  Pour the fudge into glass dishes, prepared previously with a slick of butter (the stick paper works great in this case).  

This recipe will fill a 9x13 inch pan and an 8x8 inch pan.  To store, cover the dishes tightly.  Fudge may be cut before gift wrapping.

Yummy!

"Twitter" is the top word of 2009

According to the Global Language Monitor, Twitter snagged the #1 spot in a list of the top words in 2009.
The top fifteen words included Obama, H1N1 (no vowels...is that a word?), Stimulus, Healthcare, Unemployed, and Vampire.  Truly, a snapshot of our culture at the end of this decade.  

Hmm.  I voted for a different candidate, H1N1 hit 30% of our family, we didn't see any money from the stimulus, our healthcare costs are over $1000/month, one of us may soon be unemployed, and, *cringe*, I saw New Moon by myself and enjoyed every minute.  At first glance, I thought the list was far removed from my life, but I guess I was wrong.

Hindsight provides better adjectives and nouns, by which to remember my '09:  Wicked~the musical, competition trophies, sixteenth birthday, first job, baseball, tournaments, dance team, New York, family vacation, cousins, movies via books, teaching, friends & concerts, Psalms, songs, reconciliation, love...

What words describe your life experience in 2009?  

PS:  I Twitter, do you?!

Dream Car

Not only for 16 year-old boys, the '97 Honda Del Sol will wow 40-something moms with its speed, convertability, and jammin' stereo....

Wednesday

Yup, I feel the same way.

PreK Wordle

OOH, I could become addicted to Wordle !  

If You Give A Mom A Moment

We had scrambled eggs for dinner and I absolutely must go to W*lmart for a huge food shop after I take DollyGirl to the nearly three hours of dance class where I will retrieve her at or near my bedtime so the newsletter I wrote for school needs to be placed in my book bag NOW or I will forget it again, making my coworkers wonder if I am just scattered or seriously overwhelmed which reminds me that I didn't really get any of those scrambled eggs.

Destination: Stop The World

This song is for you if

• you are lonely, in the middle of a crowd
• the everydayness of life is overwhelming
• burnout is settling in
• your worship time has gotten stale

Tears May Fall

"Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next."  Frederick Buechner

The pastor shared this quote during today's message.  From that moment on, I was riveted.  I've had a river running down my face this weekend.

Hubby moved from giving me encouraging pep talks to looking at me with puzzled worry.  The children reassured me that it was ok that I wouldn't be bringing home more bacon; I assured them that I wasn't crying about money.  (well, maybe I was, a bit)  The thing that hit me was the realization that I was grieving.  Having done it enough throughout my life, I recognize the markings.  For me, grief includes the presence of tears, immediate and hot, when tears are completely out of context.  I was starting to be concerned about the state of my heart....and then Frederick Buechner set me free.

This is my truth, August '09.  It isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  I do have hope that a little sunshine, mixed with tears, will reveal one incredible optical illusion.

Destination: Desiderata

"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.....

And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.....

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 
it is still a beautiful world. 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

After 17 months of pursuing something, I came this close and....it didn't happen.  

Above and beyond anything else, I am grateful for my awesome job and amazing director.  I was torn in two this week, as I prepared for an interview with another district, knowing that leaving my current position would be difficult.

But---Kindergarten!!---FirstGrade!  The promise of opportunity, benefits, recognition and growth potential created a powerful cocktail that left me dizzy.  And, you know, the higher you fly, the harder you fall.  I wish I wasn't so disappointed.  To try snapping out of this funk, I've buried myself in a Young Adult novel ; behold, I find wisdom in a passage quote from The Desiderata.

"With all my broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."  The passing days will make me older, but, hopefully, wiser.  This year will not bring increased monetary riches, but, will definitely provide an abundance of four-year-olds' laughter.

"...no doubt, the universe is unfolding as it should."

 

I'm Living In This Song Today

My Family's Future

Question Of The Day:  What do you most want for your family's future?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

My husband has two sisters.  He is the middle child, bookended by females who have grown into fabulous women.  In my life, I have never seen siblings who are so close.  Their dedication to and love for one another is one of the things that made me admire my future spouse.

With our four children, we have encouraged a strong commitment to the family.  Admitedly, this has become difficult as the oldest entered the teen years.  I most want our family to have bonds that transcend time, space, and distance.  As Christians, my husband and I dedicated our children to God.  I pray that the faith they have been raised in will remain in their hearts; I pray that their faith will grow to become a vital part of who they are. 

I want my children to lean on each other in their adult years, not just show up for holidays or occasions. I know that each of them will forge friendships that are familial and I support that, but I hope that our family will remain strong even after I am gone.

  

Weekly Destination: Family

We've just returned from a long weekend at the lake with my generous in-laws.  A group of 15, we came together and split apart as interests dictated.  I keep seeing descriptive words, floating across my brain screen:

waves   laughter   naps    sunshine   sunburn   wine   grilled   magazines   bowling   jet skis   motor boat  

photographs   playdough   whispers   cool   teens&tots   glee   spats   roadtrip   songs   memories

Getting Over Thirteen

Hey, son of mine, we've hit a bump in the road.  Naively, I thought we'd detour around this rock when, upon witnessing the road rage of your older brother, you promised, "Mom, I will never talk that way or roll my eyes at you.".

Ah, the innocence of a ten-year-old.

Those days of spontaneous hugs and shared laughter are (temporarily) gone.  We may be sharing the road together, but in your opinion I am a better chauffeur than traveling pal.  I wish this didn't hurt, but it does...because I miss you!  From the time I felt you move within me, I have loved you.  While changing the sleepers on your 8 pound body, I would cradle your feet and pray for the places where they would tread.  The peace that surrounded you was tangible.  Your energy was smooth, warm, delicious.  I loved waking in the night to rock you; I think you put me back to sleep, more than the other way around. As you grew, talents began to shine:  athletic ability, creative writing, mercy and empathy.  A better friend could not be found.  

I feel like I've lost my friend.  Yet, I know there will be a bend in the journey that will bring us back to a loving relationship.  In time, you will seize to think that I say only stupid things.  You won't cringe when I sing along with the radio.  A touch on the shoulder won't cause you to flinch.  From experience with your older brother, I also know that you will have changed in many important, necessary ways. And that is a good thing.  To live is to grow.  I'll be changing, too.

As a parent, part of my job description entails letting you go.  The tricky part in navigating that task is to balance my need for your respect with your need for independence.  It's a bummer of a road bump.  But I think, if we just slow down and let the driver do the driving, we'll make some progress.

There's an abundance of hugs, waiting for you, down the road.

Question of the day: What would you tell your 16 yr-old self?

Hi...right now, you're dreaming of a future that is actually going to be a fork in the road.  You want a husband, children, cottage by the sea.  You also hope to have a career, be independent, do something memorable.  In 1980, both goals are attainable, just not in the exact order you are hoping for.

I'm thrilled that you are immersed in the energy that is uniquely "high school".  Enjoy your size 5 jeans and do not sell your cheerleading uniform to the girl who takes your spot upon graduation.  Trust me, you will need to see it for future motivation.  In fact, embrace the whole aerobics trend by becoming a certified instructor; don't ever give up on moving your body.  You will need the strength and confidence that fitness can give.  Start looking for colleges this year.  Be brave.  If jumping state lines, outrageous tuition, or a suite filled with strangers seems too intimidating, APPLY ANYWAY!  Your grades will open more doors than you can fathom, but you need to believe in yourself.  Which reminds me, keep singing.  Sing for joy, with passion.  Believing in yourself applies here, too.  God will keep providing opportunities for you to use this gift.  And yet.....you may look back and see many places where you walked the other way, afraid that you weren't good enough.  In the end, it isn't about a career or a deal.  It's part of who you are and will always be, a source of solace and truth.  (Oh, um, sing during the prelude at the wedding ceremony, from the loft, but NOT at the wedding reception.)

Now, I'm going to tell you something that will transform your life.  You know how your heart just aches when you break up with a guy?  How you have a hard time opening your eyes in order to see another worthy boy?  This is because you have a serious problem with "goodbye", which stems from waving to your daddy from the front porch steps and never seeing him alive again.  You're going to have issues with anything you lose:  keys, papers, jewelry, friends, etc.  The sooner you realize this, the better; you will be free to enjoy your relationships for what they are, in each space of time that they are yours, not expecting more than is available, not mourning what is better gone.  Very soon, In a time of huge transition, you are going to seriously fall in love.  Go ahead.  But don't clutch him or overanalyze the whole thing!  I'm not giving permission for you to compromise your/our moral values, but let yourself go a little.  Also, over the next eight years, don't listen to anyone who tries to spiritualize your love life.  If someone says, "I heard from God that 'he' is the one for you", run.  Then, find an in-depth Bible study and a church with a strong foundation in scripture.  You'll be a decade ahead of yourself. 

I can't be specific about the details of your husband and children.  Is it enough to say that they will be there in your future and they are more amazing than you can imagine?  Motherhood will answer many questions about who you are and where you originated.  There are going to be a few years that will seem neverending, but cherish them anyway.  Carrying life under your heart will cause your understanding to deepen in a way that nothing else ever could.  You will love without condition, which is something that doesn't really happen often, even with the ones we birth.  Your husband will be revealed when you find the man who can accept your joy as well as your anger. He's the opposite of you in many ways, bringing out your best.  From my vantage point, I advise you to sincerely try to see things from his perspective.  He's a good guy.

One more thing:  that compulsion that you feel to discuss every little thing and share what is on your heart is something that most teachers share.  However, you must learn to shut your mouth!  You can discern some of the deep stuff that goes on around you, but this does not mean you are free to think outloud, or to trust everyone who calls you friend.  Some dramatic stuff is going to happen to you and people will be listening, praying, supporting, BUT, in the middle of the night there is only you.  Try to keep some things close to the vest, don't share all of your heart.  Ponder.  Maybe there's a novel to be written, who knows? Keep the words flowing from your hand, not your tongue. 

Finally, remember to vote, travel when possible, call your mom more often, give your daughter an amazing name, read the Bible every day, don't worry about pregnancy weight gain, fill your shelves with books, do not save every little thing, get a dog, keep your contacts, let your hair grow, choose white gold for your wedding ring, save your Michael Jackson album, let go of regret, and buy stock in Apple...

Love,

You, 29 years ahead

 

16th Birthday

My oldest son is 16 today!  I've been organizing the scrapbooks and found these pictures.  He drew them half a lifetime ago (excuse the spelling), but they capture his ambitions perfectly.

In the first picture, he aspires to the role of Secret Service Agent.  Nice pants.

The Subway goal lasted more than a few years.

He did set his sites on upper management.

Comedian....his teachers still describe him as having an abundance of verbal charisma.  I wish he'd talk that much at home. I LOVE to see him smile!

From his earliest days, BigBro has shown an infuriating ability to take a conversation and twist it into something unrecognizable.  

He can now spell "Your" correctly.

We've cheered him on for five seasons of football! This fall, he'll move up to Varsity----Go Team!  Don't get hurt!

I really like the face guard.

In his current glory, BigBro avoids the camera. Well, my camera.  If you are lucky enough to be one of his +900 friends on Facebook, you get to see many photos of his adorable grin. Um, he rejected me as a Friend, so I follow him around and attempt to score candids.

But, he never fails to tell me "I love you" when checking in by phone....no matter who can hear him. That Facebook thing?  All is forgiven. 

Destination: PreK Last Day

They run, sideways, hopping, skipping,

giggles flying into the breeze.

Even the easily wounded are

smiling, no tears now.

We are headed to the BIG playground.

I am the caboose, guarding them

from any and all surprises.

Not their mother, but their teacher,

with just enough emotional distance, I

luxuriate in the poignancy of this 

moment.  

Off they go, knowing that a protector is

before them and behind,

confident in their plans.

With a piece of my heart

in their hands.