
Can we have a cup and talk for a bit?
Lately, I've been crying...a lot... because, the days are going by tooooooo quickly. Yes, I'm experiencing 'empty-nest' emotions while my children are still growing up, LOL! In 4 years, BigBro will not be living here--he'll be at college or fireman school. His daily schedule begins brighter and earlier than mine, he manages youth group/football/studying/socializing/some chores, he towers over me, he speaks to people I do not know!! Sobering. Whenever I place my hand on his shoulder, I feel my eyes brim with tears. Experience tells me that God is speaking to my spirit, so I pray for BigBro's safety/peers/path/relationships. Since Sara's birth, nothing has brought me to my knees like becoming the parent of a teenager.
I feel like a string of pearls has broken and is just falling through my fingers. I can't catch them. Even if I did, the necklace wouldn't look the way I remember it. Maybe that's the thing;
real life never looks like it does in our dreams or on TV. When BigBro was small, he would talk nonstop. We spent over 90 minutes in the car, driving to and from private school, and his chatter was aimed at me. He wanted me to hear his thoughts, know his 'stuff', laugh at silly jokes. I just wanted 10 minutes of peace. Even in that moment, I knew I would someday feel guilty about craving a bit of quiet. UmHm. The quiet has arrived, from his corner, and I miss his voice in an extreme way. Oops, gotta catch this tear before it hits the keyboard...
At the ripe old age of 9, he tossed this at me during a car ride:
"Mom, half my life with you is over."
"What??!!"
"Yeah, in 9 more years, I'll be gone. At college or something."
I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the three youngest---reading, singing and drooling, respectively---as my heart pounded out the truth of the next decade. In the business of birthing and toddlerhood, we hadn't grasped that all four children would live together under the same roof for only 11 years. Diapers, teething, fevers, sippy cups, strollers and carseats....it felt like forever. I thought I had forever.
The amazing No Cool Story let me weep on her shoulder. She shared, "Our babies are growing so fast, one minute they were sitting on your lap falling asleep and the next they are driving." Isn't that the truth?
There's a day coming when I will tell you about a graduation, or a wedding, or an empty nest. But right now, I'm making a choice to feel the sadness on that day, in that time. Not in this moment.
The present is too good to miss.
Have another cup of coffee and tell me what's happening in your heart today.