This day must be set apart. Sara was in my arms, seventeen years ago. She became crafted into the design of my heart from the moment of her conception. The number of years that pass will never diminish the mark that she left on me.
Each of my children, from conception to present moment, has spilled a special light of joy across my life. I am so blessed to be their mommy. (Yes, even as the teenage hormones are turning some of them, temporarily, into creatures of unknown origin!)
The daisies on the counter, one pink and four purple, make me smile.
God, hug my baby for me? And, thank you.
At 9:26am, sixteen years ago today, my life's road took a breathtaking turn. Today is Sara's birth day, a day I mark with pink ballons sent heavenward.
In the span of a heartbeat, we entered the valley of the shadow. My first steps into motherhood were heartbreaking. I will never forget the ache in my arms; every now and then, I will have a dream where I am holding her. Someday.....Today, I hug my dreams~come~true children and revel in their laughter.
Christy Nockels wrote a song called "Glory Baby" that has brought comfort to me since I first heard it six years ago. (Click the link to hear a bit) If you need to hear these words, allow them to soothe your soul.
"Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you. Miss you everyday, miss you in every way, but you know there's a day when we will hold you. You'll kiss our tears away...Can't wait for the day when we will see you. But baby let sweet Jesus hold you 'till mom and dad can hold you, you'll just have heaven before we do. I can't imagine heaven's lullabies and what they must sound like. But I will rest in knowing that heaven is your home. And it's all you'll ever know..."
~~~~~~I love you, Sara.~~~~~~
This is me, peeking out at the camera over my husband's shoulder. As the MemoryKeeper in our home, I am not often the subject of photos. On that day, Hubby held the lens at arms' length to capture us together. He thought the perspective wasn't kind to him, but I like what I see in me; a sparkle in my eyes and a real smile!
My List for Celebration
*I have overcome fear. Watching my four children living and growing before me each day is a walking, talking miracle. Honestly, I'm not a brave person. I don't seek out challenging situations or revel in thrilling adventures. And I cannot watch a scary movie---I still have nightmares from stuff I saw thirty years ago! Knowing these things about myself, I'm grateful that God gave me the faith I needed to be pregnant again after Sara died. With each birth, there were moments when I wavered, but He held me up.
*I feel things deeply. Over the years, my friends have teased me about my tendency to turn every experience into a poem. I was the teenager who cried way too long over a short relationship! I see life not as a flat plane or a straight line, but as a kaleidoscope. Some colors are clear and bright, others are deeply dark, and most are rich mixtures of shade. The gift of discernment has been a strength and a weakness for me--if I let my nature get in the way, I squeeze out the things that God is trying to show me. Age has given me the wisdom to know the difference.
*I laugh a lot. Some of this laughter is a result of a slightly twisted sense of humor. Hubby and I still LOL while watching reruns of "Seinfeld" and "The Office" can make me giggle each and every episode.
*I love children. Most of my laughs can be heard when in the company of kids. Have I told you lately that I love my job? That four- and five-year-olds are among the most adorable people on the planet? My own children will someday look back on our scrapbooks and see that I caught them at play and froze time. Celebrating children is an extreme joy for me!
*I sing. My mom was a radio performer and I can't recall a day of my childhood that didn't include music. If I'd grown up in a large city and been given voice lessons or continued to play the piano, maybe I would have earned $$ and made a career in this way, but those things didn't happen. Instead, I did the usual stuff: sang in choirs, ensembles, and at weddings, had a lead in a community production, whispered lullabies to my babies. As my thirties sailed by, I thought I'd never sing again. Then, four years ago, our pastor handed me a microphone and a place deep inside my soul was opened. Now, I cannot stop singing~~the audience is a bonus, if an audience is there. It's for His Glory, and it is the most fulfilling thing I do. In those moments, I am just me, without titles or adjectives. Me.